I’m about to get personal. Inspired so much, in so many ways by the wonderful Karen Gunton, I shared these words in a facebook group yesterday. The response was… beautiful.
I’d like to share it again, because I think it’s important. It’s about what it feels like to live with self-doubt.
My life trajectory is pretty zig-zaggy and crooked. I’ve worked in data entry, hospitality, office management, trained as a jeweller, an art teacher, a maths teacher, I’m a mother of three, and a farmer. All of these things have helped make me who I am, but none of them defines me.
It’s how I respond to what’s inside me that has pushed me in these multiple directions. I remember reading somewhere, that whatever quality you like in someone, there’s an opposite way of looking at it. So sometimes I perceive those traits as strengths, and sometimes I use them to beat myself up.
I’m an independent spirit. Sometimes I hate responsibility and go out of my way to avoid it.
I’m a teacher. Sometimes I can be bossy.
I’m a dreamer. Sometimes I never get out and actually do anything real.
I’m a lover of detail. Sometimes I forget the big picture.
I’m a listener. Sometimes I don’t speak up when I really should.
I’m adaptable. Sometimes I need to stop blowing in the wind.
I’m a helper and a facilitator. Sometimes I should put myself front and centre.
Most days, I feel complicated.
But deep down inside, I know that if I keep going I’ll get somewhere.
Keep putting yourself out there. Take one step at a time, even if it’s sideways.
(I think I wrote this for me.)
Karen’s response, as ever, was beautiful, gracious, and uplifting.
” it’s not even a sideways step, it’s a spiral! it feels sometimes like you aren’t getting anywhere (you see the same scenery pass by again and again with each pass) but you ARE. you are getting closer to you, closer to the top, closer to your light.”
Thank you (again), Karen.
With love, J x